Category Archives: community

Loma Prieta Earthquake

October 17, 1989, San Francisco

The day had gone well. I saw four patients for psychotherapy, and two therapists for consultation. Each patient moved forward with the quiet exhilaration of emotional healing. The therapists were talented, sharing their work, open to learning. With the 50-minute psychotherapy hour, I finished at 4:50, and was on the road at 4:58. The drive home would take 17 minutes.

At 5:04PM, I was suddenly neck-deep in every driver’s worst nightmare. With no warning, the steering felt “loose.” Within moments, the car began to jerk, and became entirely unresponsive to steering. I veered and jumped — left, then right, then dangerously close to the sidewalk. Braking and accelerating resulted in nothing. I wrenched the wheel as the car jolted onto the wrong side of the road. Fifteen seconds later, again with no warning, everything switched back to normal.

Hands shaking, I drove forward with extreme care, trying to control my breathing. Peering out the window, adrenaline still churning, I saw people acting strangely. Individuals and groups clustered on the sidewalk, some clutching each other. People looked stunned, confused, frightened. In my own state of self-centered shock, I wondered if they were reacting to my driving, if someone had called the police, reported me as drunk. I hoped so. I would have welcomed help from an officer of the law.

I arrived home in one piece, and was incredibly annoyed when the automatic garage door didn’t work – of all times. I parked on the street, opened the front door, and stopped short. Everything on the shelves was scattered on the floor. My first thought was that a burglar had broken in. But all of our drawers were closed, every closet unopened, every cabinet intact. Only the open shelves were empty.

Unnerved and wanting to hear my husband’s voice, I picked up our landline — no dial tone, no static, nothing. I turned on the lights, but the electricity was dead…and somehow this finally got through to me: I lived in San Francisco, infamous for one specific natural disaster. I had just come through the Loma Prieta Earthquake.

When you’re driving and an earthquake hits, it doesn’t feel like the earth is shaking; it feels like you’ve lost control of the vehicle. Outside of the car, electricity shorts out, streetlights fail, signals turn dark, telephone lines go dead. Often, the first instinct is to run into the street; in fact, this is dangerous. Aftershocks can bring down roof tiles and shingles; live wires can throw off dangerous sparks; cars, as I had just learned, can turn haywire.

But there’s a powerful need to connect in the face of danger, and that’s what we all did. Our contractor neighbor visited every home on our block for a quick safety inspection. A nurse went door to door, making sure nobody was injured. I hurried outside to check on the elderly couple next door, and ran smack into them, rushing to check on me.

Just as I began to worry about my husband, he arrived home with a co-worker who took the bus to work. Traffic was impossible and the public transit system was out of commission. Two other friends who lived across the Bay Bridge in Berkeley arrived on our doorstep an hour later; all bridges were closed and they were stranded in the city. We feasted on cheese, tuna, crackers, melting ice cream, and excellent California wine. We set up the co-worker on a couch, and the couple on a futon. Following the same instinct, we all went to bed fully clothed, with the doors to our rooms open – ready to jump up as a team to face whatever lay ahead. As it turned out, we all slept through the night, uninterrupted.

Now that I live in North Carolina, I don’t deal with earthquakes. Instead, we have torrential rainstorms with flash floods and zig-zag lightning. Tornados often touch down on a nearby lake, and threaten to wreak havoc. During my first tornado warning, I was terrified. Now, I take it in stride. Each place has its version of earthquakes.

When we first moved to The South from The Bay Area, people asked about earthquakes. They acted as though I had survived a headline news event, which I guess was true, because people were hurt, killed, lost homes. As San Francisco sorted itself out in the aftermath, many had varying degrees of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. But since my experience was mild — 15 nasty seconds in a car — I moved forward easily.

Looking back, I remember those details without anxiety. But I do carry that bone-deep instinct to band together as a community, that sense of commitment and loyalty to those around me, who form my immediate world. Every year on October 17, I think back to my wonderful friends and neighbors in San Francisco, and to our impromptu slumber party. I remember the Loma Prieta Earthquake and I quietly, privately renew my vow to my community.


Amy Kaufman Burk is a novelist, blogger and mother of three grown children. Amy wrote her first novel, Hollywood High: Achieve The Honorable, in reaction to seeing gay students bullied in high school. Her second novel, Tightwire, follows a rookie psych intern through her first year of training, and was written with deepest respect for the human capacity to heal. Amy blogs on a variety of subjects including parenting, LGBTQ+ ally support, gender equality and a Rolling Stones concert. She also collaborates with educators who include her books in their curriculum. 

Amy’s Author Page On Amazon

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Perfect Moms, Pebbles and Pinafores

During my first five years of parenthood, we lived in a lovely part of San Francisco, filled with perfect moms. Every Saturday morning, they arrived at the neighborhood park looking…well…perfect. Their hair was colored and styled; their outfits were runway-ready; their make-up was impeccable. Their dapper sons and coiffed daughters gummed their Zwieback Crackers in style, regal in their state-of-the-art strollers. Even their bottles sported bells and whistles beyond my wildest dreams. I watched one mom put down a blanket, push a button, and the blanket inflated for a spa-caliber diaper change.

I always showed up in my most comfy sweats, with my brown/gray hair au naturale, no make-up. Usually my one-year-old son pushed his own stroller, with his bag of clean diapers and snacks in the seat. This particular park was his favorite, because the ground was entirely sand, so he could run, fall and jump up unhurt. Best of all, mixed into the sand were thousands of pebbles. He spent hours happily digging for these precious stones, and sorting them into piles. He liked me to sit with him as he constructed each architectural wonder.

So there I sat, more scruffy by the minute, with my son parading pebbles for me to admire. I glanced at the other moms. They chatted, sipping water or coffee, legs crossed on the benches. I loved hanging out with my son; at the same time, I longed to meet other new parents. But that clearly wasn’t going to happen here. While I floundered with naps, sippy-cups and diaper rash, they remained perfect.

One foggy Saturday, a two-year-old girl approached shyly, clueless that she was about to change all of our lives. She wore a pink pinafore, white lace and patent leather shoes. She walked over slowly, and offered her fist to my son. He reached out and she dropped a pebble into his hand. They played for 2 hours.

Next time, the same girl scampered over. I glanced at her mother, who smiled coolly from the bench. Within an hour, three more kids joined the pebble brigade, while their mothers remained on the bench. The children all brought their pebbles for me to admire, then moved on to my son who supervised the sorting into proper piles. They played together beautifully, with the intense concentration of toddlers immersed in a project. I was pleased when my boy’s new friends turned to me for help — an untied shoe lace — a pinafore bow which needed to be retied – a boy’s Batman cape which somehow entangled in a girl’s ponytail and they were stuck together.

Finally, I got up, dusting myself off. My son ran to his stroller to claim his snack, and the pinafore girl jumped into my arms for a hug. At that point, the entire posse of perfect mothers approached. I hesitated, they hesitated, and suddenly it hit me: they didn’t know how to break into my circle any more than I knew how to break into theirs. I introduced myself, awkwardly shaking hands around the pink-bowed/white-laced/pig-tailed bundle in my arms. My son politely offered his pretzels and apple slices to his new friends, and then to their mothers as well. One girl gave him a home-baked oatmeal cookie while another boy offered a carrot. All at once, their snacks turned into a buffet. The picnic table overflowed with juice boxes, cheese sticks, crackers, banana slices. A stunning mom in 2-inch heels ordered pizza, and our buffet became a party.

The following Saturday, to my surprise, every perfect mom dropped down in the sand. Pizza-Mom asked where I had bought my athletic shoes, because her heels didn’t work well in the park. They asked how I played so comfortably with the kids, and I asked how they managed to look so bloody perfect. We all laughed, and our neighborhood community formed on the spot. Hairstyles and haute couture didn’t matter one whit. We were new parents, together, embarking on the most enriching, challenging, terrifying, uplifting journey of our lives.

We met every weekend morning for years. We broke into smaller groups of closer friends, but still remained a supportive community. Over time, we scattered and lost track of each other. I’ll always be thankful to those perfect moms, and to the neighborhood park where I learned that pebbles, pretzels and ponytails trump haute couture every time.


Amy Kaufman Burk is a novelist, blogger and mother of three grown children. Amy wrote her first novel, Hollywood High: Achieve The Honorable, in reaction to seeing gay students bullied in high school. Her second novel, Tightwire, follows a rookie psych intern through her first year of training. Amy blogs on a variety of subjects including parenting, LGBTQ+, gender equality and a Rolling Stones concert. She also collaborates with educators who include her books in their curriculum. 

Amy’s Author Page On Amazon

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Filed under community, motherhood, parenting